Mind Games.

"Never let self- doubt hold you captive."

- Ray Bennett

From the moment I wake up in the morning, my brain is in overdrive. The movement needed from my legs arms, and trunk muscles to complete every day tasks has never been automatic. My brain simply does not receive the memo. Because of this, I am always thinking about what I need to do and what resources are required for me to successfully live my life the way I want to.

Sometimes, I find myself wondering what it would be like to have a body that generally functions normally; a body that allows me to preform basic tasks like, crawling, walking, getting dressed or showering without having to put an enormous amount of thought or energy into them.

More often than not, coping with the mental struggles related to the CP is harder than dealing with the physical challenges associated with it. For me, the hardest part is knowing that even though I know what I want to do, my body doesn’t always follow through. At times, this has me left feeling inadequate and doubting my capabilities.

As I was getting ready to travel to Edmonton earlier last week, my mind felt like it was going to explode. Every few months, I fly to Edmonton to attend board meetings for Canadian Adaptive Snowsports Alberta. This is something that I done several times before. However, due to my recent medical challenges, there was so much more for me to consider this time around. I was incredibly nervous, and there were many times leading up to the trip where I contemplated staying home. Can I do this? This is a question that constantly crept up on me reeking havoc in my head, but the stubborn part of me said, “ You are going on this trip no matter what!” I reached out to a dear friend of mine who is also on the board. I explained to her what was going on, and within a matter of hours, she had a nurse scheduled to come in and assist me with catheterization while I was there. I was blown away. I am so thankful for the services I received.

Asking for help can be scary and uncomfortable. Even though this is something that I still find extremely challenging, I am learning that it is okay to ask for help. I think the reason why so many of us are hesitant to ask for help is because we don’t want to be an inconvenience to others. Perhaps, what we should be considering is that there is not a single person who can walk this paradoxical journey alone.

We all have our “ people”. Those people are a part of your life because they genuinely care about you. They want to see you succeed. They are there to laugh with you, and when you’re not laughing, they are there to reassure you and help you battle the mind games of life.