Head Above Water.

To my big, little sister, Steph:

Thank you for walking with me, while we climb this mountain together. I love you to the moon and back.

If you think I am happy in this picture, you better think again. This smile is due to my incredible friend, Erin Ko’s power to make people laugh their asses off, even when they are feeling like a giant garbage disposal. Man, I love her!

These last five days have been a whirlwind of pain, exhaustion, and a host of unwanted, nasty side effects from antibiotics. Have I told you I despise urinary tract infections? My medication has since been changed. I am starting to feel stronger, and I am ready to start kicking butt and living life to the fullest again.

It has been tremendously difficult to keep up a positive spirit since my journey with bladder issues and constant, painful urinary tract infections due to catheterization began almost seven months ago now, because just when I think I am out of the woods and starting to feel better again, another one shows up with a vengeance- each one seemingly worse than the last. At times, it has left me wondering what reasons I have to keep going. In my lowest moments, I have asked myself, what kind of purpose does living a life that consists of dealing with constant infections serve? As cliché as this sounds, I have to hold onto my belief that everything happens for a reason. God knows what He is doing, and the universe always has a way of aligning itself, so that everything works out the way it is supposed to. Even though it is difficult to understand why this is happening, I do know that this has made me stronger. I have always been determined to achieve my goals and dreams, and I have been so fortunate to see many of them become a reality. There is so much that my family and I were told I would never be able to do. This journey has instilled a fight in me like I have never had before. I guess that’s because I never imagined that I would have to fight for some of the same things twice . Those closest to me will understand this.

There are moments in life that have a way of renewing our hope and reigniting a fire deep inside that was slowly but surely burning out. Earlier this week, I had one of those moments.

On Thursday, I finally received the news I have so anxiously been waiting for, which added just a little bit of sunshine to my week. I finally have a date for my surgery, and although it will take place in the New Year, I couldn’t be more excited to put this all behind me and start a brand new chapter in my journey. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it is shining ever so brightly.

Knowing that the surgery is coming gives me encouragement and incentive to keep going and keep fighting. I have so much life to live, so many more incredible adventures to come, and a myriad of mountains to climb (both physical and metaphorical).

I can’t stop now. I won't quit.

Song credits: Avril Lavigne.